As parents, we often find ourselves operating on autopilot—responding to our children's needs based on ingrained patterns of behavior we've learned throughout our lives. For those of us whose families have experienced war, genocide, displacement, slavery, racism, or oppression, these patterns often include deep survival instincts, fear, and emotional distance. Without realizing it, we can unintentionally recreate oppressive experiences by passing down the internalized trauma that shaped our own lives.
For example, parents who grew up amidst war or genocide might pass on heightened vigilance, fear of authority, or a constant sense of insecurity. These experiences can lead to overprotectiveness, strict discipline, or emotional disconnection as a way to ensure survival. While these patterns may have been necessary in times of crisis, they often no longer serve us in our day-to-day lives and can harm the next generation. The impact of unhealed trauma lingers, shaping how we parent and the values we unconsciously instill in our children.
Today, genocides and violent conflicts continue to devastate communities around the world. We must hold space for all the children currently living through these atrocities and acknowledge the weight that future generations will carry. These children, like those before them, will face the echoes of unhealed trauma unless we break the cycles of fear, pain, and oppression. As parents, caregivers, and communities, we have the power to transform these experiences by cultivating compassion and intentionality in our parenting.
Compassionate parenting calls us to pause, reflect, and parent with intention. But we must also extend compassion to those parents who are currently parenting from a state of survival. For many, there is no room to reflect or heal when faced with the immediate demands of safety, stability, and protecting their families from harm—they are using all their resilience just to stay alive! It is crucial to hold space for these parents as they navigate an incredibly difficult reality, often without the resources or support to heal. Healing from trauma is challenging and complex, especially when the world around them does not offer the time or space to process those deep wounds. Yet, even in these moments, the hope remains that when the opportunity arises, they too can find the healing needed to break these cycles.
From my own experience as both a parent and a parent educator, I’ve grappled with a history of war, genocide, and trauma that shaped my early approaches to parenting. I was burdened by internalized messages about obedience, self-worth, and control—messages that mirrored oppressive systems in our society. It wasn’t until I began to develop a deeper awareness of these patterns that I could begin to heal, not just for myself but for my family as well.
Developing this awareness became a turning point. I learned that raising children goes beyond just keeping them safe—it is about intentionally not causing harm. It’s about choosing compassion over control, connection over coercion, and liberation over fear. Compassionate parenting invites us to reflect on how we were parented, to understand what serves us and what no longer aligns with the world we want to create for our children.
The practice of compassionate parenting is not easy. It requires us to confront our own history, challenge deeply held beliefs, and unlearn harmful habits. For many of us, this means learning the emotional skills we may never have been taught—such as self-regulation (the ability to manage our emotions), healthy communication, and how to build trust with our children. We also need to reframe negative beliefs we may have internalized about ourselves. For example, growing up with messages like “you’re not enough” or “you don’t deserve love unless you behave perfectly” can shape how we view our own worth and how we parent. Confronting these beliefs means recognizing that they are not truths but survival mechanisms from our past.
In compassionate parenting, we begin to internalize our innate self-worth—the understanding that we are worthy of love and belonging simply because we exist. This is not easy, as it involves breaking away from deeply ingrained patterns of self-doubt or self-criticism. But in doing so, we open the door to healing. We can break cycles of trauma, empower our children to flourish, and ultimately change the future.
Whether you are a parent, caregiver, or professional supporting families, this work matters. Our children deserve to grow up in spaces where they are seen, heard, and valued. And we, as adults, have the power to create those spaces—not just for them, but for ourselves too.